Prologue

Five years ago.

Captain James Ellison had a bad feeling about this assignment from the get-go.

Sketchy details and taking for granted that information would be doled out on a need-to-know basis was an accepted part of military life. A soldier didn't question orders, he followed them. Still, as he looked out at the miles of open water stretching around him, he had a suspicion this was not a difficult mission, it was a fool's errand.

He and his crew of seven had been given deceptively simple instructions. An American who had been squirreled away in Laos for the last seventeen years had been liberated and was making his way to the coast. Ellison was to fly in under the radar, pick him up and fly out.

He knew nothing was that easy.

"Captain Ellison?"

Jim turned his attention to the chopper pilot, Lt. Phil Sarris. "Yes?"

"Wind is picking up, sir. The storm is closing in."

"How bad, Phil?" Sarris was a damn fine flier. If he was worried, Jim had every reason to be, too.

"Real bad, sir." With that the helicopter lurched and dropped altitude. Sarris fought with the controls for a moment and righted the craft. "We're going to have to find a place to wait this storm out."

Ellison glanced over Sarris' shoulder and there was only quickly darkening sky and rough, metal gray water as far as the eye could see. Ellison's stomach cramped. "Where?"

The navigator, Lt. John Cooper, swung around in his seat. "Captain Ellison, we might be able to get to one of the lesser islands south of here."

"Phil?"

"Maybe, sir. We don't have too many other options right now."

"Head for it then," Jim said. He slipped into the back to let the other five know what was happening.

He hadn't even opened his mouth when another gust of wind caught the tail of the helicopter and spun it 180 degrees before slamming it into the sea.

Upon impact the fuselage cracked open like an egg spilling the eight soldiers into the black, churning sea.

Present

Doctor Blair Sandburg stood and stretched. He twisted slightly, allowing his vertebrae to pop and slip back into alignment. He wiped the sweat out of his eyes with the sleeve of his tee shirt and glanced up at the sun. It was still high, still relentlessly beating down on the Borneo jungle despite the lateness of the hour.

Sixteen hour days for the last four months and he felt he had hardly made a dent. Still, he was scheduled to fly out in a week. By the time the worst of the monsoon season hit, he'd be back in Cascade on another endless round of cocktail parties and lecture tours.

Blair urged the next child up on the makeshift exam table and started her physical.

No, the Pennies for the Jungle doctor, as he was known world wide, would prefer to work in the jungle full-time and let some other poor sucker beg for funding. It would never happen. His face was synonymous with the successful charity and he knew it.

Chaz Reece, one of the two nurse practitioners working with Blair, helped the girl off the table when her exam was completed and lifted a young boy onto the vacated space. The frightened child scooted back as Blair reached out to touch him.

"Don't be afraid," Blair said in Javanese. "I'm the healer. I won't hurt you."

The boy, still looking doubtful, allowed Blair to examine him. His left leg had an infected welt along the calf, otherwise the boy was in good health.

"Have April give him Rocephin IM. See if she can keep him overnight. That wound needs to be irrigated, too. I'd rather give a long course of oral antibiotics but I doubt they'd be taken."

"Probably not, Blair." Chaz leaned in a little too close to Blair as he helped the boy down. "Come with me," Chaz said in heavily accented Javanese.

The child looked up, uncomprehending.

Blair sighed. In Javanese he told the boy, "Go with him, please. He will clean your leg and give you medicine."

The boy nodded.

"You've really got to work harder on your Javanese, Chaz."

"It's just my accent that's off, I think."

"Yeah, well, you and April are going to be on your own in another week. You're asking for a world of problems if you have to rely on April or one of the anthropology students to translate every time you have a patient."

"I understand them," Chaz said.

"I know you do," Blair said gently, "but they have to be able to understand you, too." He and Chaz had had this discussion a dozen times in the last four months.

"I could come by your tent tonight and you could, uh, tutor me," the nurse purred.

Blair swallowed hard. "Maybe April would make a better study buddy for you." Chaz shrugged his broad shoulders and led the boy out.

Blair hated the days when Chaz worked in the exam tent with him and April worked in the treatment tent. Chaz was a competent nurse but he'd made his interest in Blair common knowledge from the beginning.

The twenty-seven year old nurse was an attractive guy and a lot of fun but Blair had learned his lesson about getting involved with people he worked with. If the relationship headed south, and it always did, the two of them would still be stuck in each other's company in the middle of nowhere for the duration of the project.

Not to mention these days he was never sure if someone wanted Blair Sandburg the man or just wanted to fuck the Pennies for the Jungle doctor.

God, way to be a cynic, Sandburg.

Chaz came back into the tent. "That was the last one for the day."

"Thanks, man. Does April need any help?"

"No, she'd just has the last little guy to take care of and clean up. I'll give her a hand after I've straightened up here."

"Okay, great."

"One of the students just told me that Doctor Stoddard wanted to speak to you when you have a moment."

"Thanks. I think I'll head over there now."

Eli Stoddard and Blair had been friends for over a decade. When a teenaged Blair had been an undergraduate at Rainier University, Stoddard had been his mentor and hero. If things had worked out differently, if things had worked out as Blair had dreamed, he'd be with Stoddard as part of the anthropological team rather than heading up the medical team that was attached to the group.

The anthropologists were in Borneo for one year to study what effects modern civilization was having on the local indigenous tribes, the Dyaks.

The biggest effect that Blair had observed was the rampant consumption of Coca-Cola and Marlborough cigarettes.

Oh, yeah, cynical man walks the face of the earth tonight.

Blair stopped outside of Stoddard's tent.

"Eli, you in there?"

"Come in, Blair." Eli sat at a small camp desk, open journals spread around him. The side and back flaps of the tent were tied back, letting a tropical breeze, heavy and wet, flow through. "I just got an email from the university confirming your departure time. Someone will be here Wednesday morning to take you into the city for your flight."

"Great."

Eli looked up. "Aren't you about ready to head home, Blair?"

"Not really. You know if I would have understood years ago all the bullshit that was involved in fundraising, there wouldn't be a Pennies for the Jungle."

Eli chuckled. "All that ass kissing gets old, doesn't it? Even if you'd stayed in academia it would have been the same, Blair. I choke down my share of rubber chicken and humble pie at fundraisers, too."

"I know. I don't mean to sound like I'm not grateful for the financial support, it's just that I don't think I'm really cut out for that part of the job."

"You excel at that part of the job, Blair."

"I know I raise a lot of cash but I hate that aspect of it."

"We all do. It's a balancing act between our real work and squeezing the money out of those that have it so we can continue to do it."

"Sometimes, Eli, I wonder why we do it."

"I think we love our work enough to do whatever it takes to make it happen."

"Yeah," Blair said.

"You've done a lot of good in the last five years, Blair. How many clinics do you have up and running now?"

"Four."

"You should be proud."

"I, uh." Blair shook his head. "Thanks, Eli."

"Thank you," Eli said. He took two bottles of water out from under his desk and handed one to Blair. "In the beginning the clinic openings followed the anthropological teams. Now, with your funding from Rainier and the foundation, we're following the medical teams."

"Oh, right, Eli. You and I agreed this Borneo expedition was a good choice for both teams." Blair sprawled on the tent floor. "You wanted to observe the Dyaks and I wanted a clinic on the river. I'm still hoping the Dyaks further upriver will let their kids be immunized and treated."

"Maybe someday. You're making headway with the Dyaks closer to the coast."

"Well, most of them have had some Western contact. Man, I would have loved to have had an opportunity to go deeper in the jungle."

"It's probably safer that you didn't. Some of the more remote Dyak tribes are still headhunters."

"They headhunt enemies, Eli, not healers."

"As more and more non-indigenous Indonesians move into Borneo, it's getting harder for the Dyak to tell who is the enemy."

"I know there have been some pretty violent outbreaks."

"Yes, there have." Eli finished his water and placed the glass bottle in a bin. The bottle would be sterilized and refilled with purified water later. "If it's any consolation, at least you'll be out of Borneo before monsoon season starts."

"I'll be trading hot and rainy for cold and rainy."

"You do seem to have a propensity for living in the rain forests of the world," Eli laughed.

Blair stood and placed his own empty bottle in the bin. "Funny thing is, I've always seen myself as a desert dweller. I've got a few things to take care of. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, Blair, good night."

Blair stepped into the fading light.

In another week he'd be stepping into the spotlight again.

"Is she going to die, Jimelis?"

Jimelis had never seen the chief look so old, so defeated. So frightened.

"I don't know," he answered. He wanted to lie, wanted to comfort the old man who had done so much for him but he could not. The chief's young wife was struggling with the birth of their first child. The shaman and the older women had all but given up on both the girl and the unborn baby. Even now the women of the tribe sat in the longhouse preparing to ease their way into the afterlife.

Jimelis looked down at the girl. Her condition had long passed his skills.

He owed his life to the old chief. Budi had taken him in when he had been lost and ill. He had helped Jimelis come to understand that he was not losing his mind, that he had wondrous, special gifts that had to be honed and trained. Budi had made a place of honor for Jimelis among the Dyak.

The open grief on Budi's face was too much for Jimelis to bear.

A few months ago, while scouting, Jimelis had watched as whites built a settlement at the river's mouth. He had been frightened by the pull he felt as he saw them, heard them. The desire to go into the settlement, to talk to these outsiders had been almost overwhelming.

Then the man came out of a tent. Jimelis had nearly fallen out of his hiding place among the trees. He felt a sharp pang in his heart as he continued to watch, to listen. The others now meant nothing. Just this one, the blue-eyed man, drew his attention.

Day after day, Jimelis had made excuses to himself to venture to the river's mouth. He merely observed, he had told himself. He needed to discover what the outsiders were doing here, why the settlement was being built.

It only took a short time for him to figure out the man was a healer, here to help the Dyak. Still, he had come when he could steal away to watch this man from the cover of the jungle.

The pang grew stronger each time he saw the sun shine on the man, heard the rhythm of the man's voice.

This pang, Jimelis had realized, was loneliness. The draw he felt toward this man, this Blair, was dangerous. It had made him neglect his duties to the Dyaks. He could lose his place with the tribe, then what would become of him? He didn't think he could survive living alone in the jungle again. This time he truly would be insane.

So, he didn't return to the settlement again.

Now, he had no choice. If there was a chance to save Wiwik and repay his debt to Budi, he had to take it.

"There is an outsider, a white healer at the river's mouth," Jimelis began.

"The healer would help her?" the chief asked anxiously.

"I think so. I have watched other Dyak tribes go to him for help."

"Bring him here. I do not want Wiwik to be taken out of the longhouse." Jimelis nodded, privately doubting the girl could have survived the trip anyway.

"I will send two of the young men to bring him. If his eyes are covered he will not be able to find his way back to us after we return him to his own settlement."

"Do it then, Jimelis. I don't want her to die."

With a mixture of dread and anticipation, Jimelis went to find the warriors he would dispatch.

April Dickerson had spent twenty-five years as an Army nurse.

Fours years ago, retirement papers in hand, she'd settled in Phoenix, wanting to live close to her daughter, Patty, and granddaughter, Dana. Widowed at thirty, April had struggled to raise her child and serve her country.

The move to Arizona was to mark the beginning of her time for herself. She had planned to golf, garden, maybe take a dance class or two. The most strenuous thing on her agenda was baking for Dana's third grade class.

All that changed in a single afternoon.

Four months into her retirement bliss, Patty and Dana insisted she accompany them to a concert in the park.

"An outdoor concert in August?" April had protested. "Are you both crazy?" She might have spent most of her years in the military stationed in Washington, DC, but she was well aware of desert heat.

Her family wouldn't take no for an answer. After three hours of music far too modern for her tastes, of summer sun frying her alive, of trying to quench her thirst with lukewarm, flat soda, April's head was throbbing. She pasted her most persuasive smile on, ready to convince her daughter that enough was enough.

Then the music stopped and he climbed up on stage. Applause thundered through the green.

"Who is he?" April had asked.

"That's the Pennies for the Jungle doctor," Dana whispered, awe in her voice.

"Hi," his voice, smooth and calming to April, came over the sound system. "I'm Blair Sandburg and I'd like to talk with you about a vision I have for health care in some of the most remote areas of the world."

The overheated, under-hydrated crowd settled back on the lawn. April's headache receded as this man, not much more than a boy, really, changed her life.

She wasn't sure how long he talked but she, along with the rest of the assembly, would have listened all night. There was so much to be done, he'd said, so much that each of them could do. And, like the others sitting in the twilight on the grass, April believed him. His dream became hers.

It was the first time she had ever heard of the charity. Looking around her at the mesmerized crowd, she realized she might have been the only one who hadn't known of it.

The concept was simple. Blair Sandburg, an internist, and two nurse practitioners followed anthropology teams from Rainier University into a primitive area. While the anthropologists set up a base camp, the medical team set up a permanent clinic. Blair would stay with the team for up to six months then leave the practitioners in place while he went on to plan and finance the next clinic. The long-range plan included staffing the clinics with nurses born within that country but trained at Rainier.

By the time Dr. Sandburg had finished speaking, April had known she was coming out of retirement.

She had asked Patty why the organization was called Pennies for the Jungle.

"Grandma," Dana had interrupted, "everybody knows the story."

"Not everybody," Patty had said. Dana rolled her eyes and Patty continued. "See the barrels by the stage, Mom?"

On either side of the platform were forest-green, plastic barrels with PFTJ stenciled in red on their sides. Children were lined up behind the containers, taking turns dropping in coins.

"When Dr. Sandburg started out," Patty said, "he had some funding from Rainier University and a couple of corporations but it wasn't enough. He talked about it with some of his friends from school. One was an elementary school teacher. She came up with the idea to collect pennies from her class while they studied some of the groups that Dr. Sandburg had worked with. Pretty soon every classroom in the school had a jar in it to collect Pennies for the Jungle. Now almost every classroom in the United States has one."

"We have one in mine, Grandma," Dana said. The little girl reached in her pink, vinyl purse and produced a nickel and two pennies. "This," she said triumphantly, "is for today. Can I go, Mom?"

"Sure you can." Patty watched Dana getting into one of the lines.

April noticed a line people waiting to talk to Dr. Sandburg. Something pulled inside her, changed inside her as she observed his patience with each person. She could put pennies in those barrels, a hell of a lot more than pennies actually, or she could do something that would really make a difference.

Without having made a real conscience decision, April found herself standing in the group trying to speak to him.

Now, she stood in a tent-turned-clinic in the wilds of Borneo. She spoke Javanese fluently and was confident that with Chaz's help, she could run this place. She felt she'd finally found her place in the world.

Still, she wished Blair was going to stay. She would miss him. The first couple of weeks she had worked with him she'd had a terrible crush on him. Stupid, really. She was old enough to be his, well, if not his grandmother, at least her younger sister.

Over time the crush had faded into protectiveness. For all his outward strength and incredible intellect, she could sense a deep sadness and a vulnerability in him.

Looking back she dearly hoped that she hadn't been as painfully obvious as Chaz and a few of the anthropologists while she had been in the depths of her infatuation with Blair. If she had been, he'd never let on. Thank God.

A rustling of the tent flap caught her attention. Two Dyak stood before her in full warrior regalia. Her heart skipped a beat. No matter that there had been no attacks against the settlement, she knew there had been recent battles between the tribes. The fact that the Dyak were headhunters with poison darts and blowguns was never far from her mind.

"We are here for the healer," the younger of the two said.

"I am one of the healers," she answered in Javanese.

"No," the older warrior said, "Jimelis said to bring the man, not a woman. A blue-eyed man. We must hurry. Where is he?"

April drew in long, slow breath, calming herself. She was a nurse but she'd been a soldier most of her life. "Why do you want him? Are you ill?"

"No. The chief's wife is dying in childbirth. He must come now."

She nodded, satisfied that they were telling the truth. "Follow me," she said, leaving the clinic. She stopped outside of Blair's tent. "Blair," she called through the flap.

"Come in, April."

"I have two visitors with me," she warned as she moved into Blair's quarters.

Blair stood to face April and the two warriors stationed on either side of her.

"You are the healer?" the older of the two asked.

Blair nodded. "I am."

"You must come with us."

"Their chief's wife is having a difficult birth," April interjected.

"Where is your village?" Blair said.

The Dyaks glanced at each other. "Upriver," the older said, "but where is not important. We will take you there."

"How will I return?" Blair became suspicious. "Will I return?"

"You will be safe. You have my word."

Blair hesitated. Most of the interior of Borneo was uncharted due to the harsh terrain: mountains and nearly impassable jungle. The rivers, teeming with dangers of their own, were the only way to navigate the wilderness and were used by tribes hostile to one another. If he went with the Dyak, he would be at their mercy. There would be no way back to the base camp without their cooperation.

Still, he had a duty as a physician.

"I need to get supplies together and then we can leave."

"I want to come, too," April said to Blair.

"No," he answered her in English. "I can't guarantee your safety, April. I have no way of knowing what kind of mess I might be walking into."

"That's exactly why you need me, Blair. Chaz can handle the clinic for a day or two."

"I don't know, April."

"Please. And anyway, if I have to go with a tribe into the rainforest, I'd rather do it with you the first time."

"Okay, you talked me into it. Let's get the delivery kit and the general kit and maybe throw in some vaccinations. As long as we're there we might be able to do a few inoculations." He turned to the Dyaks and switched back to Javanese. "I need to prepare. The woman comes also."

"No. Jimelis said to bring you."

Jimelis? "I need her."

The warrior shrugged. "Bring her then, but we must hurry."

Blair agreed to meet them at their boat. He went to tell Chaz and Eli they would be gone for a few days. Eli wanted to send a student with him but Blair protested. "They didn't even want me to take April, Eli, and we're pressed for time." Stoddard backed down graciously. Chaz wasted precious minutes trying to talk Blair into taking him instead of April.

Finally ready, Blair headed to the clinic to help April carry the supplies to the boat. "Better add a kerosene lamp and some drinking water," he told her.

"All taken care of."

He smiled at her as he lifted a pack up and began to walk to the dock. "You're going to be great out here, April. You won't even miss me."

"Well, I might not miss you as much as lover boy will, but I will miss you."

"Lover boy?"

"Chaz," she chuckled. "He hasn't exactly made it a secret that he'd like to be a doctor's wife."

"Jesus, April," Blair laughed.

"I told him he didn't have a chance with you but he's got this crazy idea that he's irresistible."

"There is no such thing as irresistible," Blair said with certainty.

"Oh, Blair," April groaned, "there most definitely is. You just haven't run across the one who you'll find irresistible."

"You really think so?" Blair sounded doubtful.

"I've lived a lot longer than you have. I've been blindsided by someone irresistible a time or two in my day."

"Seriously?"

"Yep, and you will be, too," April promised. "Irresistible will hit you so hard you won't believe that you didn't believe."

Blair kept his cynical retort firmly behind his teeth. If April wanted to keep believing in irresistible who was he to dissuade her?

The flatboat dipped low in the water as the medical equipment was loaded. After Blair and April settled in the craft the younger Dyak handed them each a hood.

"What is this for?" April asked.

"The village location is of no concern to you healers," the older warrior replied.

Blair sighed. "April if you're not okay with this and want to stay, I understand."

"No, no. It's fine." Blair could tell from the slight tremor in the nurse's voice that it wasn't fine but he said nothing. He slipped the hood over his eyes and waited for the boat to push off.

"I hate these little boats," April confided to him.

"I don't really mind boats," Blair said as he leaned back against a supply pack. "I hate airplanes."

"Airplanes are safer," April answered as the boat slid into the current and began to pick up speed.

"Safer? I don't think so. If there's a problem with the boat, I can swim away. I haven't mastered the art of flying yet."

From the dense forest Jimelis tracked the boat's progress toward the settlement.

The healer and the woman sat near the center, faces covered. He'd seen them both many times before. The woman was small, old. She was no threat. The man was not much taller than her but there was strength in him. He would bear watching.

Then their laughter skimmed the water and rose up to him with the heat of the early evening. A band around his heart tightened.

No, he didn't need to see the healer's face. It had been scorched into his memory months ago. Beautiful, bright-eyed, sweet mouthed.

He heard Blair's voice again, rich and warm, float up. He desired to grab this man, to take him deep into the underbrush and ease his loneliness with him.

He hoped he would be smart enough, strong enough, wise enough to stay away from this one while he was in the village.

Blair tried to sleep. There was no telling how long he and April would be up tonight. Although he couldn't see, he knew he'd never been so deep in the jungle.

Once upon a time he had dreamed of being an anthropologist, of living among the primitives and studying the untouched cultures that had managed to survive. All that had changed when he was a junior at Rainier.

Naomi had come to visit after a sixteen-month stay in the South American rainforest. She'd gone to find spiritual guidance with one of the most remote tribes in the Amazon basin and come back a living shadow.

She'd fallen ill while living with the tribe and had allowed the Shaman there to treat her with tribal remedies rather than return to civilization and seek help. Naomi had always scorned conventional medicine.

Blair had insisted that she see a doctor in Cascade, but by then it was too late. Cancer that the doctor was sure had started in her breast had metastasized to her bone and brain.

He was only an eighteen-year-old boy. He watched, feeling useless and helpless, as his mother slipped into a coma two weeks after arriving in Cascade. She had died four days later.

For the first time in his life Blair had felt truly alone. He'd never known his father. He and Naomi had been estranged from her family since he was a baby.

His whole childhood he and Naomi had traveled the globe together. Although she'd often left him behind while she went on retreat and by the time he was sixteen he had lived away at Rainier, he had always known he wasn't really alone. Somewhere, out there searching for her next adventure and a higher level of enlightenment, was his champion, his mother. She was the one person steadfast in her love and devotion to him. She was the one person in the whole universe who didn't judge his worth on his appearance or performance. She loved him just because he was Blair.

When it finally penetrated his grief soaked brain that the lovely light that had been Naomi was forever gone, Blair had been terrified. What, he had wondered at the time, keeps a person tethered to the world? When the one who had shared his memories from first tooth to first step to first broken heart no longer existed, why did he continue to?

He'd never attended school regularly until Rainier so there weren't even old classmates or teachers to recall him as a child. As frequently as he and his mother had moved he was sure he would be hard pressed to find anyone to remember the small, smart boy who followed in the wake of the flamboyant Naomi.

There had been days after Naomi's funeral he had been so weighted down by despair he could barely drag himself to class. Then he had become angry, furious at a universe that would steal away someone so fiery, so full of life.

His alternating feelings of depression and rage hadn't lasted long. He'd been raised by Naomi Sandburg, after all, and he'd learned early not to waste his energy on fruitless, negative emotions.

So, he had started to search for some meaning in the tragedy of his mother's death, to find some way to right the wrong of her passing.

After much soul searching he switched his major from anthropology to medicine.

His life had changed and so had his goals. The desire to explore the wilderness and study the people living in it had been replaced by the desire to make certain modern medical care was available even in that wilderness.

He respected tribal and holistic practices. He'd been raised with them, but he'd never been able to shake the idea his mother would still be alive had she come out of the jungle sooner.

Maybe it wasn't true. Maybe she'd lived and suffered and died as she was destined. Still, he was determined to make western care possible for those who chose it.

Blair shifted around, trying to find a softer part of the supply pack to rest his head on. He estimated they'd traveled for least two hours. The smell of foliage was thick, almost sickening.

A lifetime ago he'd dreamed of being one of the first to make contact with the different Dyak tribes. Now, he thought with surprising bitterness, if he found them he'd inoculate them instead of study them.

It wasn't his work he found disappointing. It was his life. He would return to Washington State in a week or so and there was nothing there for him except a loft that stood empty most of the time and another mind-numbing round of meet-and-greets.

It didn't seem to matter how many villages he went into or how many presentations he gave or how many lovers he took to his bed, he was still all alone. Perhaps, like Naomi, he was doomed to wander and search and never be satisfied.

Maybe there really was no irresistible someone out there just waiting for him.

It was dark when the boat bumped gently against the shore. Blair awoke immediately and pulled off his hood. "April," he said quietly, "we're here." He turned to the Dyak securing the boat. "Take me to the woman. Have someone bring me water that has been boiled and cooled." He scooped up as much gear as he could carry and followed the older warrior to the village with April close behind him.

The air was acrid and smoky from open cooking pits. The forest, dangerous and alive all around them, was held at bay by the ring of light provided by the village fires. Two huge long houses stood in the clearing. Blair knew a few hundred Dyak lived in each long house and each had its own chief.

"Which one?" Blair asked.

"Here," the warrior said, pointing to the long house on the left.

Blair heard a thin, tired wail pierce the night. The chief's wife, no doubt. The fact she still had enough strength to cry out, to respond to pain was a good sign.

A large group of women milled at the long house entrance, watching nervously as April and Blair approached. When Blair reached them he said, "I am the healer."

A few tittered. One of the braver ones reached out and touched his long, curling ponytail. "Soft," she announced to the others. A burst of laughter broke the tension.

"Wait till they see your big blue eyes in the daylight," April whispered.

Blair ignored her. "May we enter?"

"Come," one of them said and led Blair inside the structure. It was open, airy in the center with partitioned off sections on each side for individual families. The woman pointed to one of the first rooms. "She is in there."

Blair ducked in, April followed. The room was hot, stale, and smelled of blood. April lit the lamp while Blair cleaned his hands with alcohol gel. The girl was propped up on a pallet, half-unconscious. Blair squatted close to her. "I am the healer. Don't be afraid."

"Jimelis told me you would come," a voice said from the corner of the room. "You will save her."

"I'll do my best," Blair answered honestly. "Are you her husband?"

"I am," an elderly man presented himself to Blair. "I am Budi."

"How long has she been in labor?"

"Almost two days."

"Her first child?"

"Yes, our first."

"Where," April asked as she set up an IV, "is the midwife? Has no one been with her?"

"The midwife says Wiwik and the baby have already had their spirits gathered up."

"Not yet," Blair said.

"Jimelis said they might live if the white healer came."

"I am going to try. I told the men to bring us boiled, cooled water as soon as possible."

"Jimelis told us you would need it," Budi replied. "It is already here."

Blair wondered again who Jimelis was. When the name was first mentioned, he had assumed it was the chief. He'd have to puzzle it out later. "Wiwik," Blair said, "I am Blair. I need to look at you and touch you to help the baby come out. I know you are in a lot of pain right now and I will try not to hurt you more. Do you understand?"

"Yes. Help me." Her voice was weak, scratchy. She was young, perhaps fourteen or fifteen, Blair realized, and utterly exhausted. He heard Budi leave the room. Just as well. The next few hours wouldn't be pleasant.

April did vital signs while Blair slipped on gloves to start the pelvic exam. He gently cleansed her perineum, then palpated and examined her as April hung IV fluids. The girl's sunken eyes and cracked lips told of her dehydration.

The girl tensed, then cried out as another useless contraction gripped her abdomen.

"Breech?" April said.

"'Fraid so."

"You can turn the baby," April said confidently.

Blair said nothing. He wished he had some of the unwavering belief that April did. He often wondered how much of that belief was based on the real Blair Sandburg and how much was based on the hype the PR machine had cranked out for the Jungle Doctor.

But he knew he would save the girl and the baby.

It was, after all, what he did.

Jimelis prowled at the perimeter of the village. He could hear the healer's voice, Blair's voice, coaxing and encouraging Wiwik. When she would have slipped away his voice guided her back from the brink.

For hours Jimelis listened. "Slowly, Wiwik, slowly. Breathe in through your nose, slowly. Puff out. Don't push. Relax. Hold on. Wait. Now push. Good. Push again. You can do it."

Long after the time for his patrolling was over, he continued to stalk around the settlement. Blair's voice soothed and excited him. Budi had taught him much about controlling his senses but never had he been as focused as he was tonight with Blair's voice in his ears.

He knew he had always been able to see more stars then the rest of the men but right now, with his vision wide open, the sky was crammed full of bright clusters and shooting lights. The darkness forever held sound for him but right now was heavy with the forest's songs and calls and movements.

And sensations. There had been many times when pain was almost too great for him to bear and pleasure was piercing rather than pleasing but right now, oh right now, he could actually feel the texture of the wind that pressed against his skin. It was amazing, exhilarating. Terrifying.

He had never realized the power inside him was so vast. It wasn't that Blair's presence increased his power. No, it was more as if Blair somehow tethered him to the earth and that allowed Jimelis to flex and stretch and use his senses as he'd never dared before.

Before dawn he heard the tiny cry of a newborn. Finally, the baby had been delivered. Although he was happy for Budi, his heart was heavy.

The baby was here so Blair would leave.

Blair handed the baby to April. She took the tiny boy and began to stimulate it to take a few drops of sterile water.

The first hurdle was cleared; both mother and son had survived the birth. The next 72 hours would be critical. Blair had performed an episiotomy but Wiwik had torn before he'd arrived during her long delivery. Even though he'd carefully cleaned and stitched her after the baby was born, the chance for infection was high. He wanted to run a course of IV antibiotics over the next couple of days and he didn't want her to nurse. He'd have April help Wiwik express milk for now so that she could nurse the boy once she'd healed enough.

"Is he sucking yet?" Blair asked.

"Like a little pig."

"As soon as you get a wet diaper go ahead and switch him to the bottled formula we brought. I'll check with her husband about a wet nurse. She should be able to feed him in a few days."

"Good idea. She's asleep?"

"Yeah. I'd feel better if the two of them could spend a week or so in the clinic but I don't see that happening." Blair pulled off his blood stained sterile gown. "I'll go let Budi know he's a dad and find out what I can about the wet nurse." He gave April a few more instructions about the patient's care and went into the main hall of the longhouse.

Budi sat half asleep among several other men. He stood as Blair approached him. "They live?" he asked.

"Yes," Blair said with a tired smile, "they live. You have a son. Wiwik is sleeping and April is tending to the boy. You can see them both in a little while."

Blair recognized the helpless look on Budi's face. He'd seen it a hundred times on fathers' faces--overjoyed and speechless. "I need to get a little air, Budi, and there are a few things we should talk about."

Budi motioned for Blair to follow him out of the longhouse. They walked a short distance and Budi lowered himself onto a fallen log. The sun was not quite up, the purple sky was streaked with pink and orange. Blair paced before Budi, still too wired to relax.

"Thank you for saving them." The old man's voice was humble.

Blair had to clear his throat. It felt as gritty as his eyes. He'd been up way too long and the adrenaline that had kept him going suddenly drained out of his system, leaving him emotionally raw. Budi's simple gratitude made him want to weep. "You're welcome. The baby is very large and wasn't turned the right way to be born. Wiwik is small and her flesh tore. I am giving her special medicine to help her heal. They are both still in danger."

"What can I do?"

"First, I need a wet nurse for your son. Wiwik should rest as much as possible. Second, I would like to stay here in the village for a few more days. I will watch over them, give Wiwik her medicine and perhaps tend to others in your village."

Budi looked just beyond Blair into the shadows of the trees. "What do you say, Jimelis?"

Jimelis was torn.

What Blair requested was reasonable. There was no doubt the healer had saved the lives of Budi's wife and son. And part of him wanted this man close by for as long as he could have him but being near Blair brought back strange feelings. A discomfort that nagged at the back of his mind, that scratched at his brain trying to get free.

The before.

That's what this man represented to him, the before. Jimelis wasn't sure how since he himself remembered nothing before waking on the beach. He didn't know how long he had wandered in the forest, foraging for food, hiding from something he couldn't quite remember.

Then the time of his insanity fell upon him. The shrieking sounds, the blinding colors, the nauseating smells and tastes. He had wished for the relief that death would bring from a world that had become nothing more than bright, biting-sharp pain.

When he could stand no more, Budi had found him and brought back his sanity. The Dyak lived steeped in deep mysticism. Budi had been the son of the old Shaman and the cousin of the new and had immediately seen the powers within him.

He had been brought into the village, taught their language and customs and became their Watchman. They were his people now. He had their honor and respect. He was wanted. He was safe among them.

If Blair stayed, if the memories of before became clear, would he have to leave? Would he be able to face what he was before, what he feared before? Would he be given the choice to remain with the Dyak? Would he want to?

"Jimelis?" Budi said when the silence lengthened.

"It is your decision, Budi."

"Then let them stay." The other man rubbed his hand over his eyes. "I am too old for this."

"No, you're too tired, not too old." Jimelis swallowed down his apprehension. "You should not risk your son now that he has fought so hard to be born and Wiwik has suffered to let him live. Perhaps the healer can help some of the others while he is here."

Budi sighed with visible relief at Jimelis' agreement. "Please stay with us," he said to Blair.

"Thank you," Blair said. "Budi, you should be able to see your wife and son now."

The chief hurried back into the longhouse. When Jimelis would have melted back into the jungle, Blair stepped forward and reached out as if to touch him.

"Wait," Blair pleaded.

He stopped. "Yes?"

Shit. Now that he had Jimelis' attention, he wasn't sure what he wanted to say. He just knew he didn't want the other man to leave.

The sun wasn't up very high yet and Jimelis' face was still cast in shadows, but his voice poured over Blair, made him itchy and curious.

Jimelis' body was outlined in the lightening grays of dawn. He was big for a Dyak, maybe six inches taller than Blair and well built. Yards of hard, muscled, silky-smooth skin was displayed. Jesus.

"The warriors who brought us to the village said it was your idea for me to come here. I just wanted to let you know that they are alive because of you."

The man nodded.

Blair wanted to hear him speak again.

"I appreciate you sending for me."

He nodded again.

"I'm Blair but you already know that." Blair's mind began to race. "How did you know that? How did you know to send for me? Or that the clinic was even on the river?" He could tell Jimelis was ready to flee. "Please tell me, how did you know?"

"I saw your settlement when you first arrived."

"You saw us?"

Jimelis shrugged. "It is my place in the tribe."

"You're a scout?"

"I am the Watchman."

A beam of sunlight climbed over the trees to shine on Jimelis' deeply tanned face.

Blue-eyes.

Ice blue. Nordic blue.

How could a Dyak from the depths of Borneo have those incredible eyes?

"Who are you?" the English words spilt out of Blair's mouth.

"I am Jimelis," he replied in Javanese. With that he turned and loped into the jungle.

Blair watched as the branches closed behind Jimelis, sweeping away the evidence of his existence.

"Who the hell is he?" Blair asked the empty clearing.

By late afternoon the proud father was granted permission by the healer to take his son to the Shaman for a blessing. The boy felt sturdy, substantial in his arms.

Before the boy had been born and Budi had looked upon his face, he had been ready to beg the gods to let the child die so that his beloved Wiwik would live. He was glad he didn't have to pray for such a thing today. He loved his young wife with all his heart but his small, perfect son held his soul.

He had believed his chance for love and a family had long passed him by. The responsibility of the tribe had fallen to him when he had not been much older than Wiwik. Twice he had married. Twice he had buried a fruitless wife. His entire reason for being had been to serve his tribe.

Then he had found Jimelis.

How a white man, sunburned, starved and out of his mind, had managed to float up the river to him without being devoured by crocodiles, killed by wild animals or captured by other Dyak, had been nothing short of a miracle.

Budi had been the youngest son of the old Shaman and his cousin, Sugeng, was the present Shaman. It had taken Budi and Sugeng less than a day to realize that this outsider was a Watchman sent to them by the gods.

Over the course of a growing season, Budi had been able to teach Jimelis not only how to maintain some control over his senses but to speak their language and live within the customs of the Dyak. Jimelis had given him a purpose other then the well being of the people, he had also given him friendship.

Not that Budi had been without friends before, but since adulthood he was looked at as a chieftain before a man. Jimelis was without impression when Budi found him: no language, no people, not even a past. He knew only his name--Jimelis. The foreigner was quick of mind and the two became close.

It was Jimelis who had noticed Wiwik's interest. Without the Watchman's encouragement, Budi would never have attempted to win a third wife, especially one as young and lovely as Wiwik.

Now, because of Jimelis, he not only had his mate but he had his son.

Budi was grateful to the healer, however, now that the danger had passed for his son, he wondered if he'd made a mistake in letting the man stay with the tribe. What if he reminded Jimelis of the past? It was obvious they were of the same people. Would Jimelis see that? Would the Watchman want to return to wherever it was he'd come from?

The tribe could survive the loss of their Watchman. Sugeng was already training a boy, Kawi, who had shown promise of the gift. No partner had been found for the boy yet.

According to the teachings of Dyak, each Watchman had a true partner, a personal Shaman who enabled the Watchman to extend his power without fear of insanity.

Budi understood he was not Jimelis' true partner. Jimelis had some control over his gift but Sugeng had said more than once that the man's powers were far stronger than he was able to use safely.

"The Watchman protects the tribe," Sugeng had told them, "and the Watchman's Shaman protects the Watchman." They had searched the Dyak for a partner or a mate for Jimelis without success.

Perhaps Jimelis' Shaman could only be found among his own people.

Budi had hoped his friend would find a wife within the tribe. There were many women who would have gladly mated with Jimelis but he had shown no interest. There was restlessness in the big man that the Chief imagined a wife and children would take away. Maybe not.

Holding his son close, Budi ducked his head to enter Sugeng's shelter. The Shaman and the Watchman were the only members of the tribe who lived outside the longhouse.

Soft moaning filled the small room. The boy, Kawi, lay on a pallet, arms folded over his head, rocking gently.

"Whisper," Sugeng warned Budi.

"Is he ill?" Budi asked.

"Since he woke up this morning his vision and hearing have been out of his control."

Budi remembered how greatly Jimelis had suffered with his senses in the beginning. "Poor boy."

"I've done all I can do for him. I hope it will pass soon." Sugeng reached for the baby. "Let me see this son of yours."

Budi placed the sleepy baby in his cousin's arms. The jostling startled the child and he began to cry. Budi cringed knowing the noise would only add to Kawi's agony.

To Budi's surprise, Kawi climbed off the pallet and staggered toward them, his dark eyes clear and free of pain. Sugeng stood still as Kawi gently stroked the soft flesh of the infant's cheek.

"My pain is gone," Kawi said with wonder in his voice. "I heard the child and the pain went away."

Sugeng smiled. "You have given the tribe more than a new son, Budi. You have given the Watchman his Shaman."

Blair had been hopeful the first two nights. Now, as dawn approached, he had his doubts. The baby was fine, Wiwik was still touch and go. A cousin of Budi's had taken on the responsibility of wet nurse and the child was thriving. She was keeping the baby with the rest of her children as Wiwik was in no shape to take care of the child's most basic needs.

Budi was in and out of the sick room. His fear for his wife's life was palpable. It had stunned Blair when he'd realized that the old chief actually loved his wife. Blair had thought at first it was an arranged marriage between an elderly man and a young girl. Discovering it was a true love match was still hard for him to believe. Maybe April was right about that whole irresistible thing.

He'd not seen Jimelis since the morning at the clearing but he felt as though the other man was nearby. And when Blair had slept he dreamed more than once of Nordic blue eyes in a strong, handsome face.

It had just been too long since he'd had sex, he rationalized. Way too long since he'd had a lover with a body like that, if ever. Now was not the time to start thinking about doing the natives. That was a big no-no, passed stupid, not allowed. Damned tempting.

Sighing, he hung another bag of IV fluids. April was curled up on her sleeping bag, snoring softly. He knew she was beat. With a little pressure and a lot of fast talking, he had persuaded Budi to have the children in the longhouse immunized. Of course, Budi was so enthralled with the baby, Blair was pretty sure he could ask for almost anything.

He and April had switched off between caring for Wiwik and running a little impromptu clinic. Along with inoculations, they'd cleaned a few wounds, treated some infected insect bites and examined pregnant women.

The overall health of the tribe was remarkably good. Budi told Blair not only was Sugeng a strong Shaman but that Jimelis had insisted on the tribe following rules about drinking water and hand washing. Again he wondered who this blue-eyed Dyak was. Nothing about Jimelis fit. Blair had tried to discreetly question Budi and various tribe members about the Watchman but he discovered nothing new.

"Jimelis is the Watchman," they'd said, as though that should explain it all.

Blair vaguely recalled a lecture Eli had given years ago about Watchmen, or Sentinels, in some tribes. There was a theory that primitives selected someone with the genetic advantage of heightened senses to protect and provide for the tribe. Could Jimelis actually be one?

Blair admitted to himself that although the puzzle of the man intrigued him, the great body and domineering presence was an attraction, too. A big attraction.

God, get your brain out of your pants, Sandburg, and concentrate on the medical problems happening here.

Wiwik wasn't responding to treatment as well as he'd hoped. She would need someone with her at least another week. He was supposed to meet his ride back to civilization on Wednesday. Despite the Dyak's hospitality, he had no intention of leaving April here by herself. Not only was this way more than she'd signed on for but he worried about Chaz being in charge of the clinic. The guy was a terrific nurse but his command of the Javanese language left much to be desired.

There didn't seem to be a reasonable solution. Well, maybe not reasonable but there was a solution.

He could stay.

Planes left out of Borneo every day. He could catch a flight when Wiwik was stronger. If he didn't arrive in Cascade in time for the next cocktail party there was at least one person who would willingly take his place on the circuit for a few weeks. Yeah, it might not be as thrilling for the folks as meeting the wild jungle doctor, but they'd still open their checkbooks.

He could stay.

Not forever, of course, but long enough to make sure Wiwik was out of danger. Maybe long enough to talk the chief of the second longhouse into letting him immunize the children there. Maybe talk to a few of the midwives about different birthing techniques or even speak to the Shaman on the natural jungle remedies being used.

He could stay long enough to see Jimelis again.

April sat up, rubbing her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Around six. You can sleep a little longer if you want," Blair offered.

"No, I'm up." April stood and stretched. "How's she doing?"

"Not great. She started spiking temps again around two this morning."

"What do you think, Blair?"

"What do you think, April?" he tested her.

"I think she needs another round of IV antibiotics. The clinic would be the best place for her but the trip would be hard."

"I agree."

"So?" April asked.

"So, I think someone has to stay here with her."

"I'll do it, " April said immediately.

"No, I need you to go back to the settlement. I'm going to talk to Budi in a few minutes about arranging it."

"But, Blair," she protested.

"Listen," he interrupted, "you need to go help Chaz. Just let Eli know that I'm not sure how soon I'll be back."

"Blair," she started.

He could see the woman digging in her heels so he tried another tact. "April, did you know I was studying to be an anthropologist before I switched to medicine?"

April shrugged. "Sure. Everybody knows that."

Blair pushed down the grain of irritation wedged in his throat. Yeah, the PR machine at Rainier, starring Cassie Welles, had managed to parade out every bit of his personal life possible in the name of publicity.

That red-haired bitch, Cassie, was yet another poor choice in lovers he had made. When the foundation first started out, she'd offered the services of her upstart public relations firm. She'd worked for next to nothing, insisting to Blair that she wanted to help, that she loved him, and the publicity she received for Pennies would open the door for other high-paying clients.

He still had trouble believing he'd ever been so naive. Cassie had appeared so incredibly sincere not only about the charity but about her feelings for him. Catching her in their bed with one of her high-paying clients had opened his eyes about the depths of her love for him.

Unfortunately, she had already convinced him that letting the public know more about him could only help financially.

She'd been right, of course. She might be a two-timing ball-busting whore, but she was a hell of a PR agent. Maybe the two went hand-in-hand. He wasn't sure anymore.

She was the one who planned lecture tours to follow every clinic opening. Each arena he spoke at was packed with good, civilized people who adored being both fascinated and appalled by what he had discovered in his travels. Newsletters went out to contributors and classrooms providing updates on established clinics and outlined future projects. Cassie had dragged him along the Oprah/Leno/Letterman circuit more than once. Yeah, she was great at her job and because of that, he would be forced to deal with the lying bitch on a professional level for far longer than he wanted to.

He'd been, in his opinion, pretty reasonable until Cassie began to spice up the stories, leaking out details of his private life: poor little bastard child of a hippie girl, lonely scholar left without a family. Fuck, it was only his threat of legal action that kept her from making his bisexuality front-page news.

It amazed him that not only had he once loved her, but he'd mourned the end of their relationship. Now, she was just one more reason to stay in Borneo.

"Yeah, April, I guess it's no secret I changed to medicine after my Mom passed away." He lifted his hands in supplication. "I want to have this time with the Dyak."

April nodded sympathetically. "Sure, Blair."

"Why don't you get cleaned up and get something to eat? When you get back, I'll talk to Budi."

Yeah, he could stay.

Jimelis blended into the darkening forest, watching, listening, waiting.

The woman had returned to her settlement four days ago. According to Budi, Wiwik grew stronger every day.

He knew the healer's time among them grew short. He'd avoided Blair since their first meeting.

Oh, he'd seen Blair. He'd spent hours watching the gentle way the healer had worked with the children and the sick. He had listened as Blair respectfully questioned Sugeng about Shamanic remedies. He'd observed the tribe coming to accept the healer's presence among them. Many men, women and children managed to spend a few hours each day around Blair.

He longed to be one of them.

Jimelis had not taken a woman since he'd become Watchman. Many beautiful women had offered themselves to him but he'd had no desire to touch their soft, lush bodies in that way.

But Blair, the desire for Blair kept him from resting, from thinking. He understood it was taboo for one man to take another but he knew it was done. Little happened in the village he was not aware of.

Men did have sex with other men but they were discreet, the tribe kept their secret and the relationship was not blessed by the Shaman.

Would Blair find this desire, this attraction unnatural?

Jimelis thought perhaps Blair would welcome it.

He had seen Blair's brilliant blue-eyes scan the edges of the village and farmland. Jimelis thrilled to it. He knew Blair was hoping to spot him. He had felt the heat between them the first morning. He had preened under Blair's obvious admiration of his body.

Perhaps Blair felt the same strong pull between them.

Perhaps he could find the courage inside himself to go to the young healer and discover the truth.

He would be alone again when the man returned to his own people, but wasn't he plagued by loneliness already? He could always visit the settlement if Blair wanted him to. It was merely a few hours journey.

As sharp as his senses were with the healer in the longhouse and him at the perimeters, how intense might they be if Blair was standing beside him? If Blair was touching him? Kissing him? Inside him?

A distant memory rushed to crowd into his brain. Jimelis and another man, writhing together on a soft pallet covered with smooth, fragrant linens the color of midnight.

A moan of remembered pleasure escaped his throat just before the thought scattered like ashes.

He could have something like that with Blair. He was sure of it.

He was leading a hunting party out at dawn. That gave him tonight to seek out the healer.

The turn around in the young mother was just this side of miraculous. Blair was allowing the women of her family to tend to her and the baby. The wet nurse was staying in the room. He'd switched Wiwik to oral antibiotics and if he left instructions with the Shaman he could probably leave tomorrow.

No, he needed to leave tomorrow. He had a thousand obligations waiting to be fulfilled and he was a man of his word. He would leave tomorrow.

"Blair?" Wiwik's mother beckoned him from the doorway. When he was beside her she whispered, "Jimelis would like to speak to you."

"Really?" Blair was pretty sure every drop of blood anywhere near his brain just migrated to his cock.

"He is at his shelter."

"Oh." He was also pretty sure she was waiting for him to say or do something a little more intelligent. "Good, uh, good." She continued to wait. Pull it together, Sandburg. "Um, Wiwik shouldn't need anything else tonight. Maybe you can get her to eat or drink a little more. I'll be back in the morning unless you need me."

She nodded.

Blair had been sleeping in one of the empty sections near the back of the longhouse for the past two nights. He stopped there to wash up, gather his backpack and a flashlight.

Jimelis wanted to talk to him. It was very possible that's all the older man wanted to do was talk. He hoped not.

One way or another, he knew he had to leave tomorrow.

Jimelis paced within his small shelter. He'd bathed earlier and gone to the longhouse with the intention of inviting Blair here to eat with him.

In the end, his nerve deserted him. He had turned to leave when he had spotted Wiwik's mother. Before he could change his mind, he'd asked the old woman to have Blair come to him.

He'd tried to make it appear as though it was tribal business but the knowing smirk on her face assured him she was not fooled. Not that it mattered, he told himself. She couldn't be sure of anything. He couldn't be sure of anything; not that Blair would understand or want him, not even that Blair would come to him.

He listened as someone walked along the farming fields out the village, coming toward his shelter. It could be anyone in the tribe seeking him, he reminded himself. But the anticipation that tingled along his spine told him it could be only one person.

Blair appeared in the doorway. Sweet-smelling and beautiful with a shy grin.

He would go slow. The last thing he wanted to do was frighten Blair away. He had food, drink and a small fire waiting in the shelter. If nothing else, they could spend the evening talking.

He would go slow because there were things that needed to be said, needed to be done.

He felt the spark between them, even as they stood apart. It was no fluke, that aching desire he thought he sensed running through them that first morning. He could smell Blair's musky arousal.

With a groan he opened his arms.

Backpack slung over his shoulder, flashlight beam bouncing in front of him, Blair picked his way along the small, cleared fields of the Dyaks' communal farm. Every family helped with the crops of yams, rice and sugarcane. The jungle supplemented the Dyak diet with meat and fruit.

The Watchman's shelter lay just beyond the farmland.

Blair was light-headed, nearly giddy as he hurried down the path. He hadn't experienced this kind of anticipation, this tingle, since he was a grateful sixteen-year-old college freshman sliding into a generous coed.

This wasn't a sure thing, he reminded himself. Budi and Jimelis were close friends. The only motivation the Watchman might have for wanting to see him was to express his thanks for saving the chieftain's wife and child. Or maybe Jimelis knew that Wiwik was almost well and was going to tell him it was time to go back.

The thought made him stumble. Fuck, he knew it was time to go back.

He just wanted this...this, whatever this was. A chance to talk to the man. Maybe find out why a blue-eyed Dyak lived here or if Jimelis really was a Sentinel. Maybe find out why he himself was so goddamned fascinated with the man. Maybe find out if he tasted as good as he smelled.

He stood in front of the shelter trying to calm down. Okay, Sandburg, be cool. Share a moment out of time with this man, then tomorrow go back to your real life.

He clicked off the flashlight and stepped in.

It was nearly dark in the room. A banked fire, a pallet, and not much else was visible to him. He opened his mouth to call out a greeting when he recognized the form in the faint light. It wasn't bright enough to see those blue eyes he'd spent so much time pondering, but the bare-chested silhouette was most definitely Jimelis.

In silence they faced each other. Blair could scarcely breathe for the pressure in his chest, the bubbling excitement threatening to choke him.

He remained motionless, afraid a sudden movement would spook Jimelis. Hell, would spook him, if he were being honest.

Then Jimelis opened his arms.

Blair knew he was lost. He moved into the embrace and lifted his face.

Jimelis could scarcely believe this was happening.

One look at the young healer and his good intentions vanished. He opened his arms. He wasn't sure how Blair would interpret the gesture, he wasn't even sure he knew what he meant by it.

Ah, then that sun-scented body was pressing against him. That lovely, masculine face was tilted to him. That full mouth parted for him. He needn't have worried. Blair knew what he wanted, understood what they both needed.

He covered Blair's lips with his own. The taste was new yet familiar; sugary and sharp.

Toothpaste.

The foreign word burst to the surface of his consciousness. Blair tasted like toothpaste. A flash of an image came to him: he stood in front of his reflection, white linen draped around him, his mouth filled with toothpaste.

The underlying flavor of Blair rubbed against his lips and the memory whirled away like leaves in the wind.

Blair's warm hands pressed against Jimelis' chest, effectively breaking the kiss.

Had he been wrong about what the younger man had wanted? "Blair?"

Blair shook his head as if to clear it. "Wait," he said. Jimelis tightly closed his eyes. He drew in a slow breath, attempting to cool the fire in his gut. He had moved too fast and now the healer would run.

A thump and the slide of fabric caused him to open his eyes. Blair's backpack and shirt lay in a heap on the ground. Blair smiled up at him and pressed against him once more. "Better," he proclaimed.

Jimelis grunted his agreement as he settled his mouth over Blair's again. Blair immediately worked his tongue passed Jimelis' lips to probe his mouth.

Jimelis was bombarded by sensation: the crisp hair of Blair's torso gently abrading his own smooth chest and belly, Blair's cloth covered erection grinding against his thigh, the warm trail of Blair's fingers skimming the exposed flesh at the small of his back. For a brief second he stiffened in Blair's arms, fearing it was too much and he would slip into a small time of insanity.

"Jimelis?" Blair whispered and his fears disappeared. Blair knew what to do. He would let Blair lead.

Blair slipped his slightly callused fingertips just below the knot that held the fabric at Jimelis' hips secure and pulled. Without relinquishing the hold he had on the healer's hair, Jimelis kicked the pooled fabric away. The night air was cool against his hardened shaft and he rocked it into Blair's firm abdomen.

"God, let's lay down," Blair gasped.

"Not yet," he answered.

Reluctantly releasing the curls threaded around his hands, Jimelis sank to his knees before Blair. He dragged his hands down Blair's body, scoring his nails over Blair's nipples, across his abdomen, to the top of his garment. He hesitated, studying the silver closure on it.

Zipper.

The word came unbidden. It was a zipper. With sure hands, Jimelis worked it open, wondering for a moment how he knew how. The scent of Blair's heat filled his head and the knowledge was forgotten.

"Oh man, oh man, oh man," Blair chanted above him as Jimelis slipped the clothing down and Blair stepped out of it. He buried his face in Blair's groin, inhaling deeply. He felt the stinging bite of Blair's fingers digging into his shoulders for support.

Blair was here and if the moans he were emitting were any indication, Jimelis was pleasing him very much. He nearly shouted aloud with joy.

He moved his head slowly from side to side letting the varied textures of the wiry curls, the sticky-slick precome and the hot, firm erection run over his face again and again.

"God, Jimelis, God," Blair pleaded.

Not yet, he thought, as he brought his face lower to nuzzle the heavy, full sacks beneath Blair's penis. He opened his mouth and carefully drew one in, laving it tenderly before turning his attention to its mate.

Blair's voice trembled. "So good, man. So fucking good."

Silently, he agreed. He pulled back and began to nibble at the base of Blair's cock, working his way to the tip with tiny nips followed by wet licking. When he at last reached the head, glistening moisture had gathered there and Jimelis suckled at it while firmly pumping the shaft. It tasted incredible: salty, fertile and alive.

Blair bucked his hips and Jimelis moved his hands around to grasp the other man's thighs and hold him still. Blair mumbled "Sorry," and Jimelis had pity on him. He sucked the hard cock deeply into his mouth.

This, too, somehow he remembered. Relaxing as much as he could, he bobbed up his head up and down caressing Blair's cock with his throat while swiping his tongue over the sensitive glans under the head.

Oh yeah, suck me harder, Jimmy. You suck me so damned good. Yeah, just like that. For an instant he thought it was Blair then he realized it was a voice from his past that crooned to him.

"Perfect," Blair said. "So fucking perfect."

Jimelis knew Blair was close. Another trick from his past surfaced. He released Blair's cock from his mouth and squeezed tightly at the base. When Blair spilled his seed, Jimelis wanted it to be within him.

Blair shuddered as his orgasm, so close to erupting, was effectively suppressed.

He reached his hand out to Jimelis. "Come on." Jimelis took it, stood and followed him to the pallet. Jimelis sat at the edge of the bedding as though waiting for Blair's instruction. The sight of the Watchman, so big, so powerful, so ready to comply with his desires, was a little intimidating.

"Um, wait a second," Blair said, scrambling for his backpack. "Oh, lay down, okay?" he called over his shoulder. In the semi-dark of the shelter he searched through the pack by touch. "Found it." He hurried back to Jimelis.

The other man was on his belly, arms folded under his head, strong, lean legs spread in invitation.

Blair swallowed hard. Shit, this was way more than he had hoped for.

He lowered himself on the pallet and kissed the side of Jimelis' face. Jimelis tipped his head and met Blair's lips. "Blair," he whispered, "you will take me?"

Blair ran his hand over the silky expanse of the larger man's back. The muscles were bunched, tense. "We don't have to do this," he offered, although he sincerely hoped they would.

"I want to," Jimelis assured him.

"Well, if you're sure," he said as he moved between Jimelis' thighs.

"I am sure."

Blair leaned forward and began to lick at the nape of Jimelis' neck. He'd had sex with countless men over the years but never before had it seemed so important. He would remember this forever; he needed Jimelis to remember this forever, too.

The hot body under him began to squirm, trying to move closer. He stretched out over him, his chest against Jimelis' back, his hard cock against Jimelis' ass. Then Jimelis pushed up to increase the friction between them.

Jesus, he wanted to shoot right then. Yeah, Sandburg, really impress him with a little premature ejaculation.

He bit his lip, attempting to distract his hard-on from the taunt skin under it, and moved slowly down Jimelis, leaving a pathway of moist kisses on the man's shoulders and spine.

"Blair," Jimelis breathed.

He reached over for the Surgi-lube he'd taken from his backpack. Kneeling up, he squeezed the contents of the silver package over the fingers of his right hand. Take it slow, Sandburg, he reminded himself, as he used two fingers to rub tiny circles at the tight entrance into his soon-to-be lover. A moment later Jimelis raised up on his elbows and pushed back demandingly.

Hmmm. Okay, maybe taking it too slow.

He eased into Jimelis, loving the contrast of the tight ring around his fingers and the smooth channel beyond. Jimelis moaned his name and Blair was struck by the total rightness and complete wrongness of their lovemaking.

He wanted this connection desperately but not like this. Their first time together shouldn't be with Jimelis face-down and turned away. It was too anonymous. It smacked of the nameless, faceless fucks he'd picked up over the years to sate his sexual hunger. This was more than that. He couldn't explain but he understood this was more.

He gently withdrew his fingers.

Jimelis froze. "Blair? What's wrong?"

Jimelis felt a rush of air across his back as Blair sighed then began to speak. "Nothing is wrong, really...just, would you turn over?"

"Turn over?" he repeated stupidly.

"Yeah, it's just that I," Blair paused, obviously embarrassed. "I just want to be able to see your face when we, when I'm inside you."

He hadn't imagined he could get any more aroused but Blair's words, hesitant and with the ring of truth in them, had him ready to burst. He shifted to his back, splaying his legs, letting Blair crouch easily between them.

Blair kissed Jimelis' chest, then rocked back, settling his weight on his heels. Jimelis bent his knees upward in invitation. The healer smiled softly and positioned himself at Jimelis' opening.

He winced slightly as the head of Blair's cock pressed carefully into him.

"Is this all right?" Blair asked, concern coloring his tone. "Am I hurting you?"

Jimelis was burning, stretching but the last thing he wanted was for Blair to stop. "No, you're not hurting me," he lied.

Blair advanced again, the strain of holding back showing on his face. In that moment, with Blair's bright blue-eyes searching his own with worry, his body remembered. He relaxed, unclenching his small, internal muscles. He wrapped his legs around Blair's waist and pulled so that, in one stroke, Blair was completely seated within him.

"Oh, my God," Blair hissed when his pelvis was flush against Jimelis. "You are fucking amazing." Blair leaned down and licked his lips.

He wanted to tell Blair how perfect this was, how surprising it was to have found this at last but Blair tilted Jimelis' hips higher off the pallet and he lost the ability to speak.

At first, Blair's movements were excruciatingly slow and tentative. When he growled his approval, Blair slid his arms under Jimelis, helping to support him, to let the thrusts increase in speed and force. The burning and stretching gave way to heat and wholeness, to fiery ecstasy.

He'd been right. With Blair buried inside him, holding him, tethering him, he could let the power of his senses take flight.

He could smell not only their sexual arousal mixed with the musk of Blair's skin, but also the overturned soil of the fields, the foliage that filled the jungle, the fast moving water of the river, the freshness of the far-away mountain tops.

He could hear not only the pounding of Blair's heart, but also the sizzling of meat in the settlement cooking fires, the laughing conversations in the longhouse, the breeze skittering along the tree branches.

He knew he could safely let his senses go even further. He was sure he could have listened to the wind that blew between the stars if he tried but he reined his senses in.

There would be other times, other chances to let his senses soar; for now, he wanted to soar with Blair.

Blair couldn't believe he'd lasted this long.

The array of tactile stimulants should have easily pushed him over the edge by now. Jimelis' salty, warm flesh was shining with perspiration in the faint light. The hot hole surrounding his cock was an impossible combination of snug and pliant. Jimelis erection bobbed between their bellies searching for friction. It should have been way too much but, Jesus, he wanted this to last.

Blair repositioned Jimelis' legs from around his waist to hook over his shoulders. He pumped his hips forward so that Jimelis' ass and lower back were completely in the air.

"Yes, yes, yes," Jimelis moaned in time to Blair's quickened, soul-deep thrusts.

"So fucking good," Blair managed as he moved his right hand to encircle his lover's rigid penis. "Nothing ever felt this fucking good." He lubricated Jimelis' cock with the fluid it was copiously leaking and began to rhythmically fist it. Jimelis came almost immediately, his orgasm spattering Blair's chest and neck, his body clenching even tighter around Blair's cock.

That was too much. With a roar Blair erupted, pouring his seed into Jimelis' clinging body.

They remained locked together, still for several moments, their harsh pants echoing in the primitive shelter. The spell was broken when Blair's now semi-erect cock slipped from Jimelis. Blair gently lowered the other man's hips and legs down to the pallet.

Jimelis reached for Blair and they settled into each other, sated and comfortable.

There were so many things Blair wanted to talk with Jimelis about but the steady beat of the Watchman's heart lulled him to sleep.

Tomorrow, he thought. They would talk tomorrow.

His dreams that night were troubling.

Twice he'd awakened short of breath, heart pounding, the remembered taste of brine at the back of his throat.

Twice Blair had reached out to soothe him, patting him and saying "Go back to sleep. I'm here. Everything is all right."

It was true. With Blair wrapped around him, everything was all right.

The third time he awoke it was near dawn and slivers of the dream remained. He was falling from the sky then swimming and swimming while the air around him was full of smoke and screaming and fear and helplessness.

He pulled Blair closer and the dream faded.

He finally understood. He kissed Blair's ear and whispered into it, "My Shaman." Without disturbing the sleeping man, he slipped from the pallet and made ready to lead the hunters.

He dressed quickly, his mind on his lover a few feet away. Blair was his Shaman. He was Blair's Watchman. They belonged to one another. Jimelis didn't want to leave Blair's side, he never wanted to be apart from him, but he had to head the hunting party. It was his duty. If Blair returned to the settlement at the river's mouth, Jimelis would follow him later. Blair would know this because now that they had found each other, they were one.

Jimelis gathered his darts and arrows. He would take the hunters far today and provide well for the tribe. After this they would have to depend on their own skills and that of the boy Watchman, Kawi. He was grateful to Budi and these people, they had been good to him but they would understand. The Dyak knew a Watchman should be with his Shaman.

His heart light, Jimelis stood by the pallet and watched Blair slumber. This would be his forever. The younger man's exhaustion was clear. Too many nights at Wiwik's side, too many days tending to the tribe. He would let his Shaman sleep.

He bent down and tenderly kissed the beautiful, sleep-slack mouth.

Quietly, hope soaring in him, Jimelis left his shelter.

"Would you like another drink, sir?"

Why the fuck not? "Yes, please. Bourbon and Coke." Blair rarely got drunk on a plane. Hell, he rarely drank alcohol at all but it was, after all, a special occasion. How often did a man come face-to-face with his irresistible someone only to discover the attraction was one-sided?

The flight attendant, cute and way too perky for his state of mind, set the cocktail on Blair's laptop tray. "I don't mean to be forward but aren't you the Pennies for the Jungle doctor?"

He dredged up a smile for her. "Yeah, I'm Blair Sandburg."

"I'm Missy," she said. "I was sure it was you. My niece is a second grader and I went with her to one of your presentations in Seattle last spring. Your work is just fascinating."

Blair gulped his drink. The sweet burn was comforting. "Thanks."

"Well, if you want anything else, let me know." Blair nodded absently at her. Six months ago, hell, two weeks ago, he would have jumped on what Missy was not-so-subtly offering. Right now, though, his heart was a little too sore for it.

He tilted his chair back and looked out the window. It was dark now. Good. That meant he couldn't gauge where they were or how far he was from Jimelis.

"Missy?" he said as the brunette walked by again. "Could I have another, please?" She looked as though she might refuse him. Airline regulations were pretty strict these days about letting passengers get shit-faced but Blair flashed her a wide-eyed, little boy grin. "Last one, I swear. It's been a long couple of months."

"Oh, did you open another clinic?"

"Yes, in Borneo. Clinic number five. I'm celebrating and then I'm going to sleep. Promise."

Missy clucked her tongue sympathetically and hurried to fetch his drink.

After he finished the bourbon and coke, he tried to sleep but each time he closed his eyes the last week replayed in his head.

It was time to admit that when it came to love, he was a fucking fool. Cassie Welles should have cured him of any romantic notions but no, he'd fallen for a man he hardly knew and had barely seen.

He pressed his lips together tight to keep a groan from escaping as he recalled how unbelievably hot Jimelis' mouth had felt on his skin, how delicious it had been to pump into the other man's hard, muscular body. His heart dropped into his stomach as he recalled how safe, how tethered he'd been as they rested in each other's arms.

He was such a jerk. He'd actually managed to delude himself there was something more than blood-pounding, breath-stealing, toe-curling fucking going on between them. He'd convinced himself they had an amazing connection, that they were destined to be together. He was too jaded to be blinded by the forever-after bullshit that April had spouted, but he'd been taken in all the same.

Even when he'd awakened alone in Jimelis' shelter he'd believed everything was fine. Jimelis was the tribal Watchman, he was bound to have obligations other than making love all day.

Budi had told him that Jimelis and the hunters were out in the jungle and they normally returned within a day. So, he had spent the next day and night on an emotional high waiting for his lover to return. He'd worked happily giving last minute instructions to the midwives and examining some of the children from the second longhouse.

When night fell the second day, Blair realized Jimelis was waiting for him to leave before the hunters returned to the village.

After extracting a promise from Sugeng and Budi that Dyaks of their longhouse would use the clinic if necessary, Blair had them take him back to the base camp.

Blair had stalled for a few more days at the clinic, hoping against hope Jimelis would come to him there. When he realized how stupid it was to wait for someone who would never come, Blair had Eli arrange a ride to the airport.

Blair wanted to ask Missy for another drink but he didn't. He turned to look out into the darkness again. What had he been thinking anyway? That Jimelis would fall head-over-heels in love with him? And if he had, then what? Pluck a primitive Dyak out of the jungle and plunge him into the twenty-first century so that Blair wouldn't be alone any more?

With the Dyak, Jimelis had a position of honor, a role that was essential in the tribal hierarchy. What had he expected Jimelis to be in Cascade? His trophy? His fuck toy? Or had he imagined that he would turn his back on everything and stay in the jungle with Jimelis? Jesus, he was so unrealistic sometimes. The whole thing was impossible from the beginning. Jimelis realized and accepted it. Why couldn't he? Why did it have to hurt so fucking bad?

He wondered, as he drifted off into a drunken sleep, why, when he thought of their night together, did he remember their conversations being in English?

This hunt was taking far too long.

What would have taken him a single morning was now stretching into a second day. Letting the boy Watchman, Kawi, lead the party was difficult but important. His youth not withstanding, the tribe would soon depend on Kawi's powers and skill for game and protection.

As the boy made yet another false start, Jimelis reined in his impatience. He stood silently as Kawi stilled and scented the air in a second attempt. The boy's senses were good but he allowed his childish enthusiasm to cause him to act without caution, to move too fast. He'd alerted more animals than the men had brought down.

It was a matter of wisdom and maturity, Sugeng had told Jimelis before. Jimelis wondered if the tribe would tire of fish and fruit before the boy learned to temper his senses and enthusiasm.

Kawi turned to the men and smiled. He nodded toward the east began and began to quickly and quietly stalk the game. Jimelis stayed behind giving the boy his chance to lead the men and gain confidence. Each Watchman duty Kawi took and mastered, moved Jimelis closer to freedom, closer to being with Blair.

The scent of the hunt wasn't right, Jimelis realized. Blood, fresh and coppery and most certainly human, began to drift on the air.

He ran into the underbrush where Kawi and the other had disappeared from sight.

Deciding he must have completely fucked up his Karma during his last lifetime, Blair exited his plane in Cascade. His head was pounding with a wicked hangover and his tongue was coated with sleep and stale bourbon. And there waiting just outside the gate, in all her shark-like glory, was Cassie Welles.

The redhead smiled brightly and hurried over to him. Before he could stop her, she threw her arms around him and kissed his face. "Blair, honey, it's so good to see you."

The blinding flash alerted him to the press just beyond Cassie. "Smile, Sandburg," she hissed in his ear.

"Why?" he whispered back. "I am totally not happy to see you." He pulled away from Cassie and turned to smile at the reporters. Cassie threaded her hands around Blair's left arm and hung on tightly.

Wondering what her game was, Blair gave a short interview. Yes, the fifth clinic was up and running. Yes, he'd be touring soon and would release all the details then. He'd like to thank everyone for their continued support of Pennies for the Jungle. Gosh, he'd love to talk longer but he was exhausted after a long flight.

Charmed by him as always, the reporter let him pass.

Blair was silent until he'd picked up his luggage and settled into Cassie's BMW. Raining and gray, Cascade was the same as when he'd left it months ago.

As she smoothly pulled into mid-afternoon traffic, Blair twisted in the passenger's seat to confront her.

"Okay, what was that all about?"

"What was what all about?"

"The hug and kiss, you meeting me at the airport, the camera crew laying in wait."

"I can see four and a half months in the jungle hasn't improved your temperament at all, Blair."

"Cassie, don't fucking push me," he warned.

"Oh, for heaven's sake. You stay out in Borneo longer than you were supposed to and missed two important fundraisers. I knew the handsome doctor fresh from the wilderness would gain some forgiveness and support, alright?" She glanced at him. "Honestly, Blair, you're a celebrity. Would it have killed you to clean up a little before you landed?" She wrinkled her nose. "You smell like a whiskey factory. I hope no one from the TV station got a whiff of you."

"Bourbon actually and if you hadn't staged the impromptu interview whether or not I drink on the plane wouldn't be an issue for public scrutiny."

"I reiterate, you're a celebrity, Blair. You always have to be aware of what you do and how it might appear to the public."

"No, Cassie, I'm a doctor. That's the only important thing to me." He realized he was near shouting and lowered his voice. "All this celebrity crap was your concoction, not mine."

"You were happy enough for my help in the beginning, weren't you? Don't be angry now because I did my job well and you've gotten the face recognition you needed."

"You just don't get it, do you? Man, I never wanted that. I wanted to build clinics in remote areas. I wanted health care available for primitive tribes, not to be some well known personality for you to trot out at every damn dog-and-pony show you can scrape together."

"My making you a household name was a stroke of genius, Blair, and I won't let you down play it. It's what pays for those clinics you care so much about and don't you ever forget it."

"Like you'd ever let me." He sighed. "Funny how you managed to build yourself quite a lucrative career using my name and face."

As if realizing arguing wasn't working, Cassie shrugged her thin shoulders. "Look, Blair, I know you're tired. I guess I shouldn't have set that mini press conference up without telling you. It wasn't very considerate of me. I wasn't thinking about how you might be feeling. It just seemed to be such a great photo-op for the foundation."

Blair snorted, not taken in by her feigned sincerity. "Amazingly enough, it appeared to be a great photo-op for Welles' Imaging, too. Don't try to bullshit me, Cassie. You haven't been the one to pick me up at the airport for years. Let's keep it that way, okay?"

Cassie pulled in front of Blair's building. "Oh, Blair," she said sarcastically, "I must really have hurt you back then for you to be so bitter. You've got to let it go and get over me."

Blair gave an ugly laugh. "Better get over yourself, Cassie. Whatever it was I felt for you is in the past and that's where it stays. I'm just wondering if you and your business needed to be on the news tonight more than Pennies for the Jungle did."

"What are you saying?" she asked.

"Never mind." He put his hand on the door handle then turned back to her. "I realize we have to work together. Your firm does great work so I'm stuck and so are you. I can live with that. I've forgiven us for things we did to each other before but I'll never forget. You were a liar and cheater and a manipulator and I was ignorant and naive. The difference now? I've changed, you haven't."

"Real nice sentiment, Blair."

"Maybe not but it's the truth. When I see you I remember I can't trust you. Let's not pretend we're friends, Cassie."

Cassie rolled her eyes. "Fine." She watched as he climbed out of the car. "You know," she said through the open window, "someone who makes as much money as you do should live somewhere other than Prospect. This is such a run-down dump of a neighborhood."

Blair pulled his suitcase from the trunk then leaned into her window. "I love it here but, yeah, it is a little on the seamy-side. Maybe you better leave before it gets dark." Bitch, he added under his breath as he walked into the stairwell. He allowed himself a small smile of satisfaction as he heard her car squeal away. How could he have ever thought that he was in love with that woman?

"The spirits wait for him," Sugeng declared. "Listen to his words. He is speaking the language of his gods."

Budi wiped the tears from his eyes. His friend was thrashing in agony.

"His death is not without purpose, Budi," Sugeng offered by way of comfort. "He saved the life of Kawi and four other men. Even to the end he fulfilled his duty as Watchman."

Budi turned away, unable to bear the other man's suffering as he rushed towards eternity. When the hunters had brought him back, Budi had been horrified by the deep gashes along Jimelis' back and legs.

Kawi, kneeling by Jimelis' pallet praying, was inconsolable. The boy had misread the scent and signs of the game and stumbled over a Malay bear. The wound on the boy's leg was healing well. The wounds Jimelis received were now putrid and oozing. The Shaman's shelter held the unmistakable stench of pain and death.

Sugeng had done all he could, the tribe had prayed and fasted and still, it was not enough. Late last night Jimelis had finally awoken from his stupor but he'd become delirious, calling out in gibberish. Sugeng insisted it was spirit talk. Budi believed Jimelis was speaking the language of his past, calling out for help that would never come.

"Send for me when the time is close," Budi said from the doorway. "I do not want him to die without me at his side."

Budi leaned on the outside wall of the shelter. Night was rapidly approaching. He knew Jimelis would not live to see another dawn.

He could not find the strength to push away from the shelter and go home. Home, where his happiness waited. It was unjust how he now had everything he'd ever wanted, and his friend who was responsible for so much of that happiness was dying. It seemed cowardly to not at least wait there, listening as Jimelis cried out in his twisted tongue to his gods. Budi owed the man at least that much.

Then Jimelis began to repeat one word over and over.

Not just a word, Budi realized, but a name. A name he knew also. Blair. The healer's name was Blair.

He was a fool, a blind fool. He had been so set in the old ways he had not even considered the possibility of using the new ways.

It would take far too long to fetch the healer to Jimelis. He would have to send Jimelis to the healer. If they hurried, a flat boat could get Jimelis to Blair before it was too late.

Blair flipped the switch nearest the door, flooding the loft with light. The loft had been home since he was eighteen and had used Naomi's small life insurance policy as a down payment. It was a wide open room downstairs containing a kitchen, an eating area and a living room. There was a small room equipped as an office under the steps and a bathroom he'd spent an obscene amount of money remodeling a couple of years back.

Windows and glass doors lined the side of the loft leading to a long balcony that had an excellent view of the bay. The room was decorated in a comfortable, discreetly expensive style with artifacts from the various expeditions he'd gone on. Upstairs was a huge bedroom with a king-sized bed.

Dropping his luggage at the foot of the stairs, Blair glanced at the flashing light on the answering machine. Fifty-three calls. Maybe tomorrow he'd feel more like sorting through them. He checked to make sure the ringer was turned off. He definitely didn't want to talk to anyone which was, he decided, rather perverse of him since he was so fucking lonely.

Stripping off his rumpled jeans and shirt and dumped them on the floor next to the luggage, he went into the bathroom, took a quick shower and brushed the tasted of rancid liquor out of his mouth. He wrapped up in the blue flannel robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door and hurried into the living room to start a fire.

The pouring rain had turned to a drizzle but he knew the sun would never break through the heavy overcast.

His stomach growled. He knew the neighbor who'd aired out his apartment would have put a few groceries in his refrigerator as well, but he usually celebrated his first night home with a pizza from Papa Leoni's. There weren't many things he missed while in the jungle but Papa Leoni's deep dish was one.

Still, it seemed wrong to celebrate anything when his heart was freshly stomped on. He made two grilled cheese sandwiches which he ate while watching a Gilligan's Island rerun.

Full and exhausted, he laid down on the sofa and covered up with the Navajo blanket he kept folded at the foot of it. He fell asleep almost immediately.

In his dream he was a voyeur, hovering just above Jimelis' pallet. He watched himself make love with the other man. The part of him that observed the lovers was oddly detached from the scene in front of him.

The part of him that was holding Jimelis was joyful, fulfilled. He looked on as the bigger man wrapped himself around the sleeping Blair's body. Jimelis leaned over and whispered into Blair's ear, "My Shaman."

Blair sat bolt upright on the sofa.

Jesus. He'd had a few dreams about Jimelis and sex over the last week but nothing so real, nothing so upsetting.

My Shaman. Where had that come from and what was it supposed to mean?

The sound of his own voice coming from the television drew Blair's attention. Apparently his airport interview had made the 11 o'clock news.

Cassie was right. He had looked like shit. She, on the other hand, had been dressed to the nines. He hadn't realized at the time how possessive she'd looked, leaning against him with her hands wrapped around his left arm. The sight was disturbing. They looked not like business associates but like lovers.

He wondered again what she really wanted. Cassie always had an ulterior motive. She couldn't seem to help it, it was just the way she was wired.

Using the remote, he turned off the TV and settled back down on the sofa. He was damned tired but he wasn't up to facing that big, empty bed.

The street lights softly illuminated the loft. Blair turned on his side to watch the now heavy rain pelt the glass doors.

It was stupid to lay here practically mooning over someone a couple of thousand miles away who lived in a culture a couple of thousand years apart from his own. He knew that, but he wasn't ready to let it go.

No matter how juvenile, no matter that a primitive jungle dweller was more pragmatic than he, Blair just couldn't let it go. He couldn't help but think that there could have been more, that the night they'd been together could have been the beginning for them.

And anyway, with the nugget of hurt lodged in his heart right now, at least he felt something.

"April, wake up. I need your help. It's an emergency."

April sat up on her cot struggling to be alert. It was Chaz's night to sleep in the clinic and be their version of the on-call nurse, so she'd stayed up late reading and writing letters.

"Chaz, what the heck is it?"

The man looked absolutely frantic. "Two Dyak warriors brought a wounded man in. They're asking for Blair. The guy is in bad shape but they won't let me touch him. I can't get them to understand that Blair isn't here anymore."

"Okay, let me get dressed." She slipped on shorts and tucked her nightgown into it. She quickly pulled on boots, grabbed her flashlight and led the way back to the clinic.

She immediately recognized the two men as the warriors who had taken her and Blair to their village two weeks ago. Sagging between them was her patient. She could already smell the infection in him.

The younger warrior sighed with relief when he saw her. "April."

"Yes, hello." She indicated the examine table, "Put him up here."

They gently lifted him up. "Place him on his left side." She turned to Chaz and instructed in English, "Start an IV of 1/2 normal saline wide open and get a couple of irrigation kits."

"Budi wants Blair to care for him. I tried to tell this one," the older warrior said, pointing to Chaz, "but he did not understand."

"Blair is gone," April said as she took vital signs. The man was burning up.

"Gone? Where has he gone?" the younger asked.

"Back to the place we come from," she said absently. This man was critical. "What happened to him?" she asked moving to irrigate the festering flesh on the patient's back and legs.

"Jimelis was attacked by a bear while he was trying to save a hunting party."

"Where are the others then?"

"They are unhurt."

"Thank goodness for that at least. How long ago was the attack?"

"Four days, almost five."

"You were right to bring him here," April told the two warriors. "We have a lot of work to do. You are both welcome to wait in the longhouse." She addressed Chaz, "Point them in the right direction and get back here quick."

So, this was Jimelis. She hoped to God she could save him.

Back less than forty-eight hours and Cassie all ready had him dressed in a tux and pressing flesh at the Rotary Club's Annual Ball.

Jesus, he hated these things. This pretentious, condescending jackass questioning him about the "pathetic squalor that the savages live in" was crawling on Blair's last shred of patience.

Sandburg, you're a total hypocrite.

Blair nodded, smiled and answered with as much sincerity as he could muster. Cassie had pointed out this particular horse's butt as a potentially huge donor.

"Play nice, Blair," she'd warned in that irritating schoolmarm tone she loved to use with him. "This guy could fund a clinic for a year with the change in his pocket."

Reminding himself it was for the greater good, he escorted the jerk's much younger wife out on the dance floor. At least the woman was a decent dancer and a pleasant conversationalist. Anyway, it was a four-minute respite from fundraising and Blair was grateful.

As the band was winding down, Blair danced her back to her husband and was immediately pulled back to the floor by Cassie.

"Why are we dancing?" he asked as he whirled her around. "We haven't danced together in years, Cassie, and I kind of wanted to keep it that way."

"I'm trying to keep us from losing William Muntzinger as a benefactor."

He gracefully swung her to the edge of the platform. "Lose him? I was so totally charming."

"His wife Kathy thought so, too."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means if you're hitting a man up for money you probably shouldn't be hitting on his wife."

Through tightly smiling lips Blair said, "You are way off base here, Cassie."

"Am I?"

"I have no interest in married women. You should know better than anyone that I have no use for cheaters."

"Ooo, arrow to the heart," she said with a nasty laugh. "Seriously, Blair, little Kathy was eyeing you like an éclair that she wanted to take a bite out of. I had to defuse the situation."

"By dancing with me? How does dancing with me defuse the situation?"

"Well," Cassie wouldn't meet his eyes. The music stopped and she attempted to step around him. He discreetly grabbed her hand and pulled her to him.

"What did you do, Cassie?"

"Can we take this somewhere else?"

"No. Tell me now."

She sighed and tilted her head to him. "I told him you and I are seeing each other."

He was angry but kept his voice low. "What the hell would you say that?"

"It's not a big deal, Blair." The band started again and she moved into his arms. He automatically began to dance. "I mean, I'm not seeing anyone. You're not seeing anyone. If it helps us snag a big donation from an old man who's trophy wife has a roving eye, what's the harm?"

"What's the harm?" He took a deep breath to center himself. "The harm is, I don't want anyone to think that we're dating. And it's a pretty big leap there, that because you're not with anyone, I'm not either."

She waltzed in silence.

"Okay, Cassie, what? I can tell you're dying to say something, so just say it."

She gave a dramatic sigh. "Well, are you?"

"Am I what, Cassie?" God, this woman was infuriating.

"Are you seeing someone, Blair? Honestly, you drive me nuts."

"If I'm involved with someone, it's hardly any business of yours."

"Hmmm," Cassie mused aloud, "you've been stuck out in Borneo for months so it has to be someone on the team." She screwed up her mouth as she thought for a moment. "I doubt it was one of the anthropology students. The woman, what's her name, April? She's too old for you. So, that leaves the other nurse. Charles Something." She shot him a hot glare. "Dating boys again, Blair?"

He shrugged. "I never stopped. This conversation is boring me to tears, Cassie."

"Fine. Just let me say one more thing then. It's not going to help the foundation if you're outed."

"You are unbelievable, you know that, Cassie? Man, two years ago I threatened to sue you if you leaked out the details of my sex life. Now, you're telling me to stay in the closet."

"The cultural pendulum is swinging, Blair. Our backers are more conservative than they were in the beginning."

"Whatever." He led her off the dance floor. As a flurry of dancers passed on either side of them he whispered to her, "I'll sleep with whomever I wish. I'll be involved with whomever I wish. We work together and that's all, Cassie. I don't know what's gotten into you but I don't want your opinion or interference in my personal life. Got it?"

"Perfectly."

"Great. If you'll excuse me, I see some people I'd actually like to talk to." With that he joined a group from the University.

As he struggled to return smiles and handshakes with old acquaintances, he thought how much easier all this would be if Jimelis was waiting for him somewhere.

Cassie slammed her black clutch on the kitchen counter.

Damn it. Damn Blair Sandburg. Damn the whole night.

She knew better than to come on strong with him but she'd done it anyway. The two of them were like gasoline and a blowtorch. They always had been.

She kicked her pumps across the living room, smiling with satisfaction when one hit the far wall. She would have liked to hit Blair upside his arrogant head this evening.

She stood beneath the unforgiving florescent light over her bathroom mirror and began to remove her makeup. Smoothing lotion around her eyes, she noted how pronounced the fine lines were becoming. Maybe Botox would be in her life a little sooner than she'd originally anticipated.

When she'd planned her life way back in college, she thought she'd be married by now. If Blair wasn't such a judgmental prick she'd all ready be in an advantageous, socially mobile union.

Sure, Blair had had no real social standing when they first met. He was just some bastard kid with a medical degree and a dream, but she'd recognized the drive and the potential in him. She'd help nurture that potential. She'd helped him make the charity viable.

He'd been crazy about her in those days. She should have pressed for marriage but she'd been cocky and stupid. She'd never imagined Blair would walk in to view her doing, well, extra curricular activities. She'd certain never dreamed he'd take it so hard.

Blair had been so free-spirited and open-minded back then. He'd admitted his bisexuality, for heaven's sake. But she'd learned the hard way there were a few things on which Blair was unwavering. Monogamy, fidelity and loyalty were all tied together for him.

She changed into her nightgown and scrutinized herself in the full-length mirror. Her body was excellent. Four days a week in the gym and a diet regiment straight from the depths of hell kept her belly flat and her breast and bottom high. Even so, she knew diet and exercise could do only so much against age and gravity.

After putting an outrageously expensive ointment that promised younger skin, she turned off the light and slipped into bed.

Years ago she'd tried to explain her indiscretion to Blair. She'd tried a hundred times but he wouldn't listen. Sex with other people didn't have to mean anything, it didn't have anything to do with the relationship she had with him. Besides, that particular fuck had been business, pure and simple. Little more than a handshake to seal-the-deal. For some reason that explanation had seemed to upset Blair even more.

She'd even begged for forgiveness but he'd been stubborn.

All he'd given her for her trouble had been the bum's rush out of his loft and out of his life. At the time it had been more inconvenient than painful.

She had really liked Blair. He was gorgeous and generous and funny and smart. Their sex life had been great and he'd been well on his way to bigger and better things. If she'd played her cards a bit smarter, he would have taken her with him.

Honestly, a few months ago none of this ancient history and morose reminiscing would have had the power to interrupt her sleep. She never believed a woman needed a man but right now she needed someone.

She desperately needed Blair's cooperation. Starting tomorrow she'd put away the hostility and try using the womanly wiles she knew she possessed.

He'd never know what hit him.

By the morning of the fifth day, April was sure Jimelis would live.

The wounds had been debrided and were pink with healthy tissue showing. He'd been unconscious most of the time but his fever was low-grade now, not raging. She was still running IV maintenance fluids along with the IV antibiotics.

The Dyak warriors had been sent back to their village three days ago with an invitation to return in a week to check on him. The anthropology students had enjoyed questioning the two, but the undertone of hostility between the local Dyak and the warriors was obvious even to April. She and Eli would have to talk with the longhouse chiefs again.

The chiefs had all agreed to a truce of sorts for other tribes seeking medical help but this had been the first time members of an interior tribe had come and stayed in the settlement. Something would have to be worked out.

Jimelis moaned in pain as he shifted on the cot. After counting his respirations, April injected four milligrams of morphine sulphate into his IV port. After a few moments, he settled back into a peaceful sleep.

He was healing but it would be quite a while before he was up and able to care for himself. She soaked a wash cloth in warm water and wiped his face.

Something about him was so familiar. The first time she'd done neurological checks on him and flashed light into his eyes to observe his pupil's dilation, she'd been taken aback by his blue eyes.

She was certain she hadn't seen him in Budi's camp. She'd heard of him, naturally. During the days she'd worked along side the women of the tribe tending to Wiwik, they had gossiped about various members of their group. This man was very highly regarded among the Dyak.

April had heard Blair carefully probe the tribe about Jimelis. Looking at the man's body, magnificent even in dire illness, she could easily understand why Blair's curiosity had been piqued.

No, she was positive she had never seen him at the longhouse.

So then, where did she know him from?

For so long it was as if nothing existed but his pain.

How long it had been this way, he did not know. His entire body burned from within and his back and legs shrieked out at him in fiery agony.

Sometimes the fire turned cold and he shuddered from its ice. Even then his legs and back were lapped by flames.

Sometime he went to a dark place and hid for a little while but the pain would find him and slam his spirit back into his aching body.

Sometimes gentle hands soothed him. He could hear voices talking over and about him. Sometimes the words held perfect clarity for him. Other times he felt as though he should understand but the meaning was just beyond his reach.

Through the days and nights and time of his suffering, he waited. Patiently, he sorted through the voices and touches and smells searching for the one for whom he would always be waiting.

To his puzzlement, his Shaman never came.

He'd never been called back to one of the established clinics before.

In the past five years, nurses had been replaced and supplies sent without difficulty. Anthropology teams came and went. In one case, the country's entire political structure had pulled apart at the seams yet the clinic stood untouched.

He glanced through the computer file again. The clinic, deep in La Montana region of Peru, was the second one he'd opened and the smoothest set-up to date.

The original two nurses still manned the clinic. Linda and Courtney Yarbrough were a mother-daughter team he'd selected out of hundreds of applications. The two had worked together in critical care for four years at Cascade General. The daughter, Courtney, had seven years previous experience in maternal nursing and her mother, Linda, had been a midwife. Nurses could be called to perform any number of medical procedures in the jungle but maternity and childcare were far and away the most frequently needed skills.

The Yarbroughs had been a good choice. Both had spoken Spanish fluently when Blair had hired them so they could communicate easily with Peruvian officials when needed. They'd picked up Chopec quickly. Languages were easy for Blair to learn but he realized how difficult it could be for some people. Communication was as essential as good nursing for any clinic's success. He remembered how Chaz had struggled with Javanese.

Having no desire to let his mind wander to Borneo and Jimelis, Blair turned his attention back to the computer monitor. According to Linda, the trouble had started six months ago when the old Shaman had died. The new Shaman, Incacha, refused to honor the agreement his father had made with Blair. The women were safe and untouched but Incacha had allowed them less and less access to the tribe until they were now no longer able to treat anyone of his village.

The Shaman wanted Blair to come back and renegotiate with him, face-to-face. Blair could understand from an anthropological point of view. The Chopec were a patriarchal society. Incacha would never discuss tribal business with women. As far as he would be concerned, they had no power; they received their authority and orders from Blair.

Perhaps there was an advantage to sending a male and female team to certain tribes. He filed away the idea for future consideration.

He sighed as he turned off the computer. The last thing he needed was the added pressure of running to Peru while he was busy fundraising as well as firming up plans for the next clinic.

Of course, he'd already hired a nursing team for the next project. They were at Rainier in intense language classes as well as cultural classes. Supplies had been ordered. The anthropology team wasn't really his concern but had already been selected.

Everything was chugging along just fine. Maybe a month in Peru was what he needed.

Between Cassie's increasingly bizarre behavior and the melancholy he couldn't seem to shake, Blair was suffocating. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the balcony's glass doors. Hair pulled back and dressed in a tux, he didn't look like someone about to lose his mind.

Cassie was bending over backwards to cater to him. There were moments she was so like the girl he'd once been in love with, he almost forgot what a conniving bitch she could be. He'd yet to figure out what she wanted from him.

Four weeks had passed since he'd left Borneo. He'd never imagined his longing for Jimelis would actually grow stronger rather than fade away. He was beginning to think maybe he would never get over him.

The grown-up, mature Doctor Sandburg hoped Jimelis was well and happy. The hateful, childish Blair hoped the Watchman was miserable and regretted that he hadn't even bothered to say goodbye.

It didn't help that he'd had the weird "My Shaman" dream again last night. It always left him shaky and off kilter for a day or two.

After he'd had the dream the first time, he'd headed over to the university and checked out everything he could get his hands on that had anything to do with Watchmen, Sentinels and Shamans. He swung between thinking there really was some deep, spiritual connection between Jimelis and him and thinking the whole thing was superstitious nonsense.

He had to keep reminding himself it really didn't matter one way or another. Whether it was a spiritual connection or nonsense was a moot point. They didn't fit into each other's lives.

Not to mention, Jimelis had obviously fucked him and forgotten him. Well, technically, gotten fucked and then forgotten him.

Blair checked the wall clock. 7:19. He and Cassie had a dinner engagement with the Muntzeingers and several other well-heeled philanthropists at eight.

He rubbed at his forehead. Cassie's Miss Sweetness-and-Light act was as irritating as her usual hostility. He'd stopped asking her what she really wanted a couple of weeks ago but he hadn't stopped thinking about it.

He left for Peru tomorrow afternoon. Cassie would either spring it on him tonight or she'd have to wait a month.

He doubted she'd wait.

Cassie put the finishing touches on her face. She'd made an effort to achieve the natural look that Blair had always been so fond of.

She threw down her eyebrow pencil in disgust. For heaven's sake, the last thing she wanted was to have to cater to another man. Wasn't that how she ended up in this mess in the first place?

When she'd come up with this scheme, she'd thought she would have a few months to win Blair over. Between him leaving for Peru tomorrow and the blue test-stick results she'd gotten six weeks ago, her time was up.

Damn it, she hated to go Blair. Unfortunately, of everyone she was acquainted with, only the wonderful, self-sacrificing jungle doctor had a big enough, unblemished enough reputation to pull her fat out of the fire.

After smoothing a creamy, coral color on her lips, she picked up her evening bag and left her townhouse.

Raining. Terrific. She opened her umbrella to protect her hair as she hurried to her car.

If nothing else she'd had a valuable lesson reinforced: never trust anyone, never love anyone. Hadn't her mother told her that a thousand times when she was a kid?

She would have to swallow what was left of her pride and talk to Blair tonight.

When he opened his eyes this time, his mind was clear. He hurt but it was bearable. He had been awake a few other times but the pain had stilled roared so loudly in his head he had not been able to speak. Besides, the light-haired healer spoke with so thick an accent, Jimelis wasn't sure they would be able to communicate.

The air carried the scent of fresh dew and early morning. Little light had filtered through the treetops but there was enough for him to see in the shelter.

On a pallet across the room another slept, huddled beneath linens.

Jimelis' heart beat faster. Who else but his Shaman would be here helping him, coaxing him back to health?

"Blair?" he croaked, his voice dull and low from lack of use and thirst. "Blair?" he tried again.

He desperately wanted to rise and go to his Shaman but he knew he was still too weak.

Closing his eyes, he remembered running into the clearing to see Kawi being attacked by a bear. Without thought, Jimelis had gotten between the boy and the animal, scooped Kawi up in his arms and attempted to flee to safety. The added burden of the boy's weight slowed Jimelis down and made him stumble. He'd wrapped his big body around the boy, taking the brunt of the bear's fury himself.

He had felt cheated in that moment. Despair had settled in him, not because he was going to die but because Blair would again be lost to him. He'd cried out in anguish.

Opening his eyes again, he watched the bundle across the room sleep and was filled with peace.

The hunters must have finished off the bear. He prayed Kawi and the others were safe.

He looked about the shelter. He had never been inside Blair's clinic but he knew that was where he had to be. Blair brought him here to be healed. It made sense. A Shaman would want his Watchman secure in his own medicine hut.

Jimelis wanted to call out to Blair again, to have his healer touch him and talk to him, but his body was exhausted. Blair was here, they were both safe. That was enough for now.

He closed his eyes and slept.

The dinner party had been another tedious affair. Only with Herculean effort had Blair been able to smile and follow the conversation.

As much as he hated to admit it, even just to himself, Cassie had been right about Kathy Muntzinger. Not only had she been chasing him right under her husband's nose but she hadn't made the slightest attempt to be discreet. How the hell had he missed it at the Rotary Ball? Was he really that out of it? Was his head so full of Jimelis, so full of what he wanted and could never have again that he was completely oblivious to a beautiful woman hitting on him?

He'd been honest with Cassie, though, he had no use for cheaters. He'd been coolly polite to Kathy and immensely grateful to Cassie. She'd rescued him from several potentially embarrassing incidents with Kathy over the course of the evening.

Now, with the party over and holding the promise of nearly five hundred thousand dollars in pledges, he walked Cassie to her BMW.

"Blair," Cassie said as he opened her car door, "can you come over to my apartment tonight? I need to talk to you."

Ah, at last she was ready to spill the beans. Now that she was willing to let him in on her little secret mission, he was oddly reluctant to hear it. "I'm beat, Cassie, and I've got a long flight tomorrow."

"Please, Blair. It's important."

"Can't you just tell me here? I've got a ton of stuff to take care of before I leave."

"I," she hesitated, shaking her head. "It's personal. Please." She looked at him, her eyes bright with tears.

Jesus, he didn't want to do this. He knew she could cry on demand so her tears probably weren't even real but he couldn't help it. "Yeah, okay, I'll follow you over. I can't stay long, though."

"That's fine. Thanks, Blair."

April crawled out of the clinic cot, her bones aching with the early morning damp. The continuous humidity seemed to settle in the joints in her hands and feet. She knew from experience once she started moving and the heat of the day came in, she'd be pain free.

She glanced at her lone patient, still sleeping on the cot across the room. His infection, once life-threatening, was very much under control. The wounds were healing well. Over the course of three weeks he'd come back literally from the brink of death. She felt satisfaction well up inside her. This was what Blair had been talking about that afternoon in Phoenix. Without this clinic this man would be dead. She'd made a difference.

Chaz had been able to get him to eat now and again, but not much. She planned on getting enough in him by mouth in the next day or two to discontinue the IV fluids and medications. Jimelis still slept most of the time, but he'd turned the corner in the last twenty-four hours. Anymore days spent laying in bed could only hurt now, giving his muscles more opportunity to atrophy.

She went to take his vital signs before Chaz came in to take over the clinic. The other nurse would stay for an hour or so, giving her a chance to eat and freshen up.

"Jimelis?" she softly said as she touched his wrist. "Jimelis? Are you awake? I need to examine you."

His eyes snapped open. They were clear blue and alert. It was the first time she'd witnessed animation behind those eyes and she was struck again by the familiarity.

"Blair?" he asked.

"He's not here, Jimelis." She hadn't realized that he and Blair had even met. "I've been taking care of you."

He looked confused. "Where is Blair?" he demanded. "Isn't this his shelter?"

"Well, it's the clinic he set up, yes, but he's not here anymore."

"Where is he?"

"He's in Cascade." She realized that explanation would be of no use to this man and tried again. "He has gone home. He went to the place we come from."

"When will he be back?" He sounded panicked.

"Jimelis," she said gently, "he won't be back."

The devastated look on his face was heartbreaking. "He has gone?" Jimelis whispered. "He has gone and I am left behind?"

"Jimelis," she began, having no earthly idea how to comfort him, or why he even needed comforting, "I will take care of you until you are well enough to return to your tribe. Budi had you brought to the clinic because you were so ill they were afraid you might die. Budi hoped our medicine would help you like it did Wiwik."

Jimelis gave a small nod, indicating his understanding.

"I am April," she said, hoping to ease some of the distress radiating from him. "April Dickerson."

"April Dickerson," he repeated dutifully.

It was the way he said her name. She knew then.

She looked passed the shaggy, crudely cut hair, passed the darkly tanned face and the wane of illness. At least six years had gone by since she'd seen him, maybe three years since she'd heard any talk about him, but it was definitely him. The same blue eyes, the same jaw line, the same voice.

She crouched next to his cot so they were eye-level before she spoke.

"Captain Ellison?"

Cassie shook the water droplets from her coat and umbrella before stepping into her townhouse. She took his coat and hung it with hers in the tiled foyer.

"Would you like some tea, Blair?" she called over her shoulder. He almost refused, wanting this over with quickly, but the evening chill swirled in behind them and changed his mind.

"Yeah, that would be great."

"It will just take a minute," Cassie said, disappearing into the kitchen. "Take a look around and get comfortable."

He wandered through the dining room and living room before sitting on the sofa. Her place was filled with tasteful, ultra chic furnishings. It was beautiful and sterile and nothing like what they'd shared for two years.

It was also nothing like where he wanted to be. Closing his eyes, he let himself slip from the cool, clean, sharply modern home to the hot, steamy, primitive richness of Borneo.

"Blair?" Cassie sat on the love seat across from him, putting the tea tray on the low table between them.

"Hmmm?"

"You looked like you were a million miles away," she said, handing him a cup.

"Actually only a few thousand."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing," he sipped his tea. "So, what did you need to talk to me about?"

She looked down at her lap for a long moment. When she lifted her eyes they were tear-filled.

Jesus, he wasn't going to be manipulated. He was willing to listen but he wasn't going to play games. "Can the tears, okay, Cassie? I'm here. I'm listening. You don't need the dramatics."

She sniffed and knuckled the tears away. "For heaven's sake, Blair, when did you get so hard?"

"I'm pretty sure it was several years ago when I saw the girl I wanted to marry in our bed with another man."

"I'm sorry." She almost shouted. "I have told you over and over that I screwed up and I'm sorry. What else can I do?"

Blair carefully placed his cup back on the table, reining in his temper. He knew he was being unnecessarily hostile. Was he even really angry with her anymore or had it just become a habit over time?

"There is nothing for you to do, Cassie. I was wrong to bring it up. Please, what did you want to talk to me about?"

She watched him warily then settled back in the love seat, pulling her feet underneath her. "Blair, I'm in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?"

"It feels like every kind of trouble." She rubbed her arms as if to ward off the cold. "I didn't want to drag you into this, I swear. Damn it, you were the last person I wanted to ask."

He laughed. "I'll bet." He picked up his tea and leaned against the arm of the sofa. "We haven't exactly been friends."

"No, we haven't." She gave him a small sigh. "I wish we could be friends again, Blair."

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that, Cassie, but I'm willing to call a truce. Tell me what's going on."

"I hardly know where to start," her voice was wobbly.

Blair looked, really looked, at her for the first time in years. She was tense and fragile, nothing like the woman he'd built up in his mind. Knowing what he knew now, would he really have wanted to marry her? Putting her infidelity aside for a moment and just comparing